It's almost a year since I sat down and wrote
something on here - but I've been busy so get off my back. When you have
a fan-base as small as mine - it doesn't matter how often I
write stuff. I don’t feel too terrible disappointing
a loyal following of 2 people – one of which cannot read yet. With that
being said, my blog has been viewed over 1000 times (with 8 posts that means
I'm getting approx. 125 views per post) - which is kinda cool. I
completely realize 943 times it has just been myself and the rest has been my
son Mason accidentally hitting the bookmark on the laptop - but I don't care!
I'm excited!
So
how has your year been?
This past year has been extremely trying for my family
and me. We have gone through a lot. We are still going through a lot. This year has tested us physically and
emotionally, we’ve had extreme highs and extreme lows – sometimes within the
same day. We have battled and fought and
failed. We have won and lost, laughed
and cried. This isn’t meant as a poor
us, please feel bad for us – this is simply meant to lay the groundwork for the
meat of my post.
At one point throughout the last year during a
particularly hard couple of days, I got
to thinking about how everything sucks and poor me and why me and why couldn’t I
catch a break and blah blah blah – basically one of those days where you want
to give up and just wish with all your might that the world would somehow feel
your pain and a magical being would make everything all right for you – so you didn’t
have to deal with it anymore. It was on
this day that a thought hit me – that completely changed my life.
The thought was based on my legacy.
What will people say about you when your gone? What will people remember about you? Let’s be completely honest here – when someone
dies everyone says all the right things.
How great of a person you were, how great of a parent you were, an
amazing friend, a nice, kind, and gentle human being and the world is worse off
for losing you. I’m not concerned with
that. I’m talking about the real
thoughts that people have about you inside their own head – or the things they
will say about you when they don’t have to sugarcoat everything. I’m not saying all those nice words and thoughts
are lies or fake – I’m saying there’s often more they feel than just that. Get
past the niceties and the polite words about you – what will people truly feel
in their hearts about you as a person?
About me as a person?
It’s not the great moments that define you. You are not defined by the vacations, and the
promotions, and any of life’s “great” milestones or happy memories. People are defined by how they act in times
of danger, in times of struggle, and in times of pain. People remember your “good times” – but your “good
times” are not what bring you to your next “good times”. Failure is.
Struggling is. Pain is. People remember Michael Jordan’s championships
and game winners – but those moments only happened because of all the work,
pain, and failure that came before.
For anyone keeping track – I’m at 500 words already
but it’s been a year since I’ve posted last – so get comfortable – this may go
on for a while.
This past year will define me. There’s no way of knowing what is around the
bend – and when things will get better or easier or just less complicated. But I realized that it’s not the “when” that’s
important. It’s the how. That day when I just wanted the universe to
make it all better for me – what would have happened if it did? What if all my problems were magically
solved? People would say I was one lucky
SOB. He really lucked out there – good for
him. I don’t want that. While I’m sure it would be fantastic to be in
a position where great things were just handed to you, and all of your dreams
and desires could be simply asked for – and then quickly received – that’s not
something I have nor is it something I wish for. That’s not the legacy I want. “He had an amazing life and never wanted for
anything and had the whole world handed to him on a silver platter.” Good for that guy – I’m sure it’s great. That’s just not me. I’ve always been very uncomfortable with
feeling like I got something I didn’t earn – and while it would be nice to have
everything I ever wanted – I would not enjoy it if it wasn’t something I went
out and fought for myself. Something
that I felt I deserved. You could hand
me a million dollars, a perfect marriage, the best behaved children ever, an
amazing career, a beautiful house, and perfect health and I would have it
all! While that would be great in theory
– I’d much rather take my flawed life and put in the time and work necessary to
achieve all of these things on my own. I’d
much rather know at the end of my life, that while my life was not perfect and
I didn’t achieve everything I wanted – I worked my ass off for what I had and
every success we had as a family – directly came from that work.
I realized all of this that one day in the blink of an
eye and my perspective will be forever changed.
All because of that little thought about my legacy. About what my friends and family will think
about the type of person that I am. All
parents will tell you that having children makes you a stronger person – and of
course it’s easy to believe. It’s quite
another thing to truly realize and live that change in your own life. We will not only persevere together – we will
succeed together. And while you may
think a 1 and 3 year old are not able to offer too much help to us in our
struggles – the strength they give us to keep going and keep reaching is more
then they will ever understand. Until
they have kids themselves one day, of course.
So thanks but no thanks Universe. Even if there’s a magical being up there a few
seconds away from making everything all better – let em know, I got this. I will make it better and it may not be
tomorrow or the day after – it may be years from now. But this guy will not stop. Every day – little by little I will be doing
all the things it takes to get us where we want to be. I will not stop no matter how often I fall or
fail. I will not be defined as one lucky
SOB or a quitter. When I’m gone people
will say, “He didn’t have the easiest time, but he sure as hell fought through
it, took control, and made it better.” My
kids will know that there were many times I could have given up in life. Many times I could have let my pride die –
sunk into self-pity and talked about how the world hated me and I never got the
breaks that other people did. They will
know I could have quit or walked away and said, Oh well – didn’t work out the
way I hoped so let’s throw in the towel.
They will know that those thoughts were never on the radar – that I
fought and fought until I was happy with where we were, happy with what we had,
and just happy in general. They will
know I made the hard decisions without looking back and the reason we are where
we are today is not because of a lucky break.
It’s because life threw everything it had at us – and it wasn’t enough
to stop me. It just made me stronger and
more determined until life had nothing left to throw. When life got tough – he’s the guy we could
go to – he’s the rock that could hold it all together. He’s the person that could make even the
worst of circumstances – manageable. He’s
the man who tirelessly put in the hours upon hours of work that it took. The hours upon hours that many people were
simply not willing or able to put in.
That’s what I want people to believe about me when I’m gone. I don’t care if they say it out loud or tell
people about it, but deep in their hearts that’s what I want them to believe
about the man that I was. And to get to
that point – it took a lot of struggling.
It took a lot of failure, pain, sadness and work – but I will win my championship. And it will be sweet.
And if this helps anyone else change their perspective
on their own struggles – well that’s just the icing on the cake. The way I see it – success in any aspect of
life (be it love, health, career, etc…) is a pretty simple formula. Don’t stop until you have it.
Don’t become complacent with where you are – and don’t
quit. Let everyone else get tired and
take breaks and need time off – because you won’t. Do something every day to further your cause. All the while you are steadily advancing and
gaining ground or furthering your lead Envision your goal every minute of every day. Get comfortable with failure and realize that’s
just part of the journey – not an end to it.
Sounds pretty easy right? Haha.
I’ll let you know if it works.
